Sometimes there are things that you just simply cannot resist talking about. It goes through your mind that perhaps you should resist the temptation, but for someone like me who writes satire amongst other genres, this is just too good to miss.

Now I have no intention of quoting William Shakespeare in full here, besides this is not a ‘rose’ of which I write, nor will it ‘smell as sweet’. Indeed I was innocently browsing through articles on the web and noticed one that talked about Mitt Romney, subtitled “Internet buzzkill”.  Apparently putting the name Mitt Romney into the heading of any tweet, blog or news article is guaranteed to turn readers away, garnering only twenty thousand views. Whereas putting Barack Obama into a title guarantees over a hundred thousand views every time.–internet-buzzkill–why-you-won’t-click-on-this-article.html

Oh dear.

Well my solution to Mitt’s woes are uncommonly simple. Perhaps he should simply start using his given name.


It’s quite short, simple and the branding could start a whole new internet viral name grab. I can see it now.

“White House Willard”

“Willard Won’t Waiver”

“What do we Want? We Want Willard”

Notice the sneaky references to the internet in order to jump those view numbers. After all we are in an Internet Age and the clean cut photos of the All-American Preppie from the 1950s has been supplanted by Steven Tyler and a many times reworked Joan Rivers (at least she’s funny).

There is a slight drawback to retrofitting Mitt with his real name, well several actually but I’ll just go for two.

The first is that historically any name that can be shortened to reference a part of the male anatomy, is pretty much a death nell.

I give you,  Richard “Tricky Dicky” Nixon, the nation’s biggest liar and Dick Cheney, architect of the biggest war fraud in history.

Then there is also that famous movie from 1971 of the same name.  Don’t remember it?  Well here’s a reminder of the true horror Willard would bring to the White House.